Setting Boundaries Is Not Selfish

Vanessa Bohns measured rejection from both sides and found the numbers don't match. When you say no, you remember the sentence; the other person remembers there must have been a reason. In real couples and across continents, the pattern held: rejectors consistently overestimated the resentment they'd caused. The research also revealed why requests keep landing on certain people: in mixed groups, women were asked more often and agreed more often, but in single-gender groups the gap vanished entirely. The room's expectations, not character, determine who gets asked.

You'll learn:

- Why your predicted resentment exceeds the measured response

- How one yes reshapes which requests find you next

- The two ways assertiveness fails: too much, not enough